This module is about deciding that you want, or better said NEED to speak out from now on, having a better understanding on how to and with it being able to make the choice to do so, over and over again.
Neither are the easiest things to do. Communication requires being able to perceive how the other listens, so they understand your message with clarity and vice versa. That means confirmation on both ends, other than saying simply “yes” or “no” without actual meaning to it.
Having said so, speaking out is not only about understanding how your message comes across, but also overcoming your own programming.
When you have heard or at least experienced in some form for long enough that you are not worth paying attention too, especially if you got that message growing up, you likely have given up on the notion that you are good enough and instead stopped speaking out until you were heard, seen and understood. You basically gave up pushing through, maybe only making a few futile attempts, every once in a while getting upset and screaming what it is you needed, but regardless, with the same outcome, not being heard.
When you take a closer look at your loved ones who are ignoring, maybe even disrespecting you, keep the following in mind. Loved ones can be the opposite of attentive when it comes to listening, specifically because they know they can get away with it. The same applies to yelling at one another. There’s a reason why couples “kiss and make up”. The downside is that if it happens too often the trust and understanding will start to subside and with it cracks will start to appear.
Now it’s time for change. Let’s start by taking baby steps in learning how to speak out and remind yourself to make that choice to do so over and over again, until you become comfortable around speaking out. And even then, there will be situations which require a whole new skillset and hence effort.
- Keep observing how you react to keeping quiet, especially long term.
- When you want to speak out what goes through your mind, is there something keeping you from doing so?
- What can you do to simplify speaking up?
- What can you do to check if you have been understood and the other is giving you a clear answer that’s non-debatable for both parties?
- Last but not least, what can you do to continue doing so, no matter how uncomfortable it may be?
If it’s difficult for you to express yourself without getting into a rage first, you can start by writing things down first for instance in a notebook. You could also try and find a quiet moment alone with a person when in a group setting when wanting to get something across. Whatever works for you best.
Now you have gotten a basic understanding how you got to that point of not being and feeling heard, it is time to continue the process of CHOOSING YOU. You have been exploring your feelings in the last few days, observing your actions, emotions and thoughts. It is key to keep on doing so, so you can start making that choice of change, knowing that YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. Knowing that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Knowing that THERE IS SUPPORT OUT THERE FOR YOU, whether consisting of friends, communities, family, co-workers and/or trainers, therapists and/or coaches. Do those assignments, find your support and when you need some extra support, reach out to me for that free coaching session, worth $197, to get clarity on how to move forward.